Hey girl, gentle reminder…
Your healing requires solitude!
I often have women tell me they are afraid to, can’t, or do not know how to be “alone”. Lately, in sessions, I’ve been having more conversations about SOLITUDE vs. BEING ALONE. Being alone seems to invoke fear of becoming a crazy cat lady, later in life.
So often, women are willing to negotiate their peace, focus, and at times safety to have the status of a relationship. One of the most challenging moments faced in the process of healing is anxiousness behind changing prior thoughts, and behavioral patterns related where our personal value lies. We have been conditioned to believe that relationships define our value and wholeness as women. As a result of this way of thinking, our healing triggers “cravings” for attention, intimacy and connectedness. These are normal feelings, by the way.
Internal conflict happens when we KNOW what is best for ourselves vs. the desires directly connected to our shadow self. Thought distortions, fears, low self-esteem, self-sabotaging, and anxiety, all reside in our shadow. This is where we convince ourselves that the whole world knows we are single. News flash! Many of them are single too, or miserable. Either way, you are your focus, not others. Codependency and challenges with our self-esteem creates distortions that convince us to remain in physically and emotionally abusive spaces.
When working through trauma, toxicity, spiritual imbalance and low self-esteem, our spirit behaves the same way our bodies will at the point of caloric depravation. We become hungry to find satisfaction in things that do not satisfy us enough to feel FULL. We eventually are more hungry than before. Have you ever asked yourself, “HOW DO I KEEP ATTRACTING THE SAME TYPE OF PEOPLE?” The answer is simple, YOU ARE THE SAME PERSON!
When we allow relationships to define us, we are more inclined to believe we are not enough if we are single. This is your shadow talking, she does not know how to operate in solitude, you CAN teach her!
We can rewrite this narrative in our healing but, we will have to work daily to move beyond codependency, learn to implement, and strengthen boundaries as we take time to do the work. Solitude is balance, and balance is key to our healing. You have the responsibility to decide if solitude is of value to you. The belief that you are “working on it” or knowing it will “take time” is excuse making. We are all aware that change takes time and work. The over verbalization of the two is slowing you down. Stop trying to buy time with excuses, and commit to change.
YOU ARE TOO FINE TO NOT FALL IN LOVE WITH YOURSELF! Remember, LEARNING TO LOVE YOURSELF, will immediately put you at an advantage emotionally. I’m not going to tell you what you gain tho, you will have to get to work to find out for yourself. Remember, be gentle with yourself on your journey. Find a professional coach or therapist to help you navigate the twists and turns of healing. You don't have to do it alone.